Re: AUGD: Hecklers/Unstable people at meetings
Re: AUGD: Hecklers/Unstable people at meetings
- Subject: Re: AUGD: Hecklers/Unstable people at meetings
- From: Jean Hunter <email@hidden>
- Date: Sun, 12 Apr 2009 17:34:26 -0400
Dave,
It sounds as if your "problem member" doesn't have the social skills
to know when he is being disrespectful to the speaker or violating the
normal rules of conduct in a meeting. Some people don't learn social
information automatically by observing others -- instead, they need
specific instruction, much as most of us need instruction to learn to
play the guitar, or to program in Linux.
Someone needs to sit down with this individual and kindly,
respectfully explain exactly what "meeting rules of conduct" are and
why the rules exist. Take the viewpoint that this individual comes
from an imaginary culture where the rules are different. Be as
precise as possible about what you want the individual to do, e.g.
remain quiet during the presentation, raise his hand and wait to be
recognized, limit himself to one question when called upon, and to
thank the speaker before launching his question. Tell him that he
should not try to ask a question in public when he feels angry or
upset, but save it for one-on-one, later. Explain that these rules
help everyone to have a fair chance of asking a question and that they
help the speaker to feel valued and to make a better presentation.
Explain also that the speaker is there to present to everyone (not
just him), and that it is a hard job to be the speaker; when someone
interrupts or contradicts the speaker it is stressful, even scary for
the speaker and also disrupts everyone else's train of thought. Give
him orderly, precise, positive rules to follow (e.g. "Do this and
this..." instead of "Don't do that...") I like Chris Hart's
suggestion of supplying a written set of guidelines - though I
wouldn't make a big deal about posting it everywhere in large print,
just post it once and make sure the problem individual has a copy in
hand.
Also offer the person suggestions about things he can do *instead of*
interrupting or monopolizing the discussion. Encourage him to write
down his objections to share later, instead of blurting them out,
especially if he is upset or disagrees with what the speaker is
saying. See if you can arrange with the speaker to spend a few
minutes one on one with the individual after the open Q&A session.
If the individual is receptive, work out a signal that you can give to
him from afar to let him know he's going over the line. In many cases
(though of course not all), such "social coaching" allows the person's
true potential to emerge and enables him to be an asset, rather than a
liability, to the group.
In talking with your "problem member", do ask him if there is anyone
who usually helps him navigate difficult or unfamiliar social
situations. It may be a guidance counselor or special education
specialist at his school, a family member, job coach, or social
worker. Tell him to consult with that person about the situation
(even have a note prepared for him to relay) , ask him to invite that
person to attend the next meeting with him, or tell him that you would
appreciate a phone call or email from that person, to help work out a
way for him to contribute more positively to meetings.
The problems this person has in your meetings are surely not isolated
to the meetings. By helping him function better in the AUG
environment, you will help him learn skills he needs to function in
other environments, and your members will learn the skills THEY need
to deal effectively with coworkers and neighbors who have disabilities
in social learning.
Best wishes,
Jean
On Apr 12, 2009, at 2:49 PM, Dave G wrote:
As a group open to the public, I've witnessed a participant "heckling"
to the point of scaring people. We've gently tried to talk over him
and politely asked him to respect other's but it doesn't seem to work.
If someone is a paid member/pays for meetings, I find it extremely
difficult to ask them to leave.
Often times he'll interrupt the speaker saying they are "wrong" or
making inappropriate comments. Sometimes, he'll just keep asking
questions and blurt them out without being recognized by the meeting
leader
I'm sure the User Group veterans have a slew of ideas and past
experiences on how to handle this, so bring them on. I guess I should
be glad in 15 years or so in being involved with User Groups I've
never seen this problem.
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